A year!

I have started this post, erased it, started over, trashed it, begun again, stared at a blank page, and pondered over what to say more times than I can count. On occasion, I can string together a word or two, weave some phrases, and produce some readable prose, but for this day and for many others leading up to it, I am at a loss. I am without ability to properly inventory them, much less convey my thoughts, feelings, and emotions and share them with you. I don’t know how I feel today. I don’t know how I “should” feel today. I don’t know how I made it through days, weeks, and months before my transplant. I don’t know what waits for me in the days ahead, but I relish the fact that it does. This day marks my one year anniversary.

The last 365 days brought some tough times as well as some of my most cherished memories. During the recoveries and the “bad days”, I wasn’t sure that I would ever see the “good days” again. Once the “good days” started to outnumber the “bad days,” I haven’t slowed down. I have been doing the things that I love to do, and many more of them—things that I didn’t have the energy to do previously. I am so very thankful and so very happy, but the word that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind is that I am simply…. blessed.

Its been so very long since we last chatted, and I apologize. So many people have called, checked in, and stopped me at the grocery store or about town just to see how I was doing. So many of you have followed my journey faithfully online, and once I was able to get out and about and LIVE again, I haven’t posted as I would have liked. I will not be such a stranger again!

It has been one year since transplant, and you have heard me say before that my recovery is “getting there.” Recovery has been a journey for sure, and I am proud to tell you that I am there. Physically, I cannot imagine feeling much better, and my Rockstar kidney reports the same. Medically I have “graduated” to once-a-month labwork and once-every-three-months clinic visits. Physically, I can now cut the grass, run the tiller, plant the garden, work in the yard, walk, jog, run, and do just about everything that I want to do. I sleep through the night, and Ive coached both Cash’s basketball and baseball teams this year. I am picking up tennis again in July. I am blessed.

Pre-transplant, I visited with some people who had previously experienced a kidney transplant. I remember quite vividly what one of them told me about the recovery. I thought that I understood what he said the day that we chatted, but the truest meaning of his words didn’t reveal itself until relatively recently. “Brian, you don’t realize just how sick you are” is what he told me. I certainly knew how I felt, what my limitations were, and how poorly I felt, but what I now believe that he truly meant is “you don’t realize how much better you are going to feel.” I forgot what it felt like to feel like this. I cannot remember ever feeling this good or having this much energy before. I don’t have any pain, and very little discomfort at all. I can do whatever I like without anything holding me back physically. I am blessed.

For the skills, the talents, and the abilities of the UAB transplant team, for the selfless acts of sacrifice and the loving gifts of my donors, and for you, my friends, family, and supporters, for each of you who helped along the way to give me a life back, I am so very thankful….and I am blessed.