Boiling Frog

As you know, I have been dealing with this kidney disease for many years now, but only recently had I come to develop any “symptoms.” Kidney failure doesn’t offer much by way of an outward presentation of symptoms that the layperson can observe but there is a bucketful of craziness going on internally in the patient, mostly identifiable through lab readings and chemistry. These lab readings are largely trailing indicators and give evidence of what is or has been happening inside the body. Kidney failure like I have usually presents itself gradually over a long period of time rather than with a singular discernible event. The frog in a boiling pot of water is a good analogy. If you place a frog in a pot of boiling water, he will feel the heat and try to jump out, but if you place him in a cool pot of water and bring the heat up slowly over time, he may never feel the small differences in rising temperature and allow himself to be cooked while never knowing what was happening. I am that frog today, but with the benefit of a bit of hindsight, I am able to see that the temperature has been rising for quite some time.

I like to prioritize activities by making lists. They help me to organize and visualize everything that needs to get done. During Spring Cleaning at our house a couple of weeks back, I found a list of chores from April 2016. It looked like every other list that I make, sometimes on my phone or electronic device, other times on a piece of scrap paper, except this one was different. When I found it buried at the bottom of a stack of papers, I held it in my hand and had a revelation.

The list says:

-pad for sprinkler

-lay out sprinkler

-vanity

-garden

-lay around on the sofa

-nap

-read a book

-boat battery

I don’t remember what exactly was going on the weekend that I made that particular list, but the content is telling. “lay around on the sofa” and “nap” were so much on my mind that I even put them on the TO-DO list!

I have been tired for a long time. I don’t remember the last time that I felt well-rested, and for the longest time I thought that it was because I don’t sleep well, or that how I felt was what people were talking about when they said, “things change when you turn 40!” Well, again with the benefit of hindsight, I have come to learn that insomnia and fatigue are two of the biggest signs of kidney failure.

Today fatigue is the biggest challenge that I face. I am not limited physically at all, but endurance is a big problem. I can do just about anything that I want to do, but I have to be mindful of the “price” that I will pay. Staying up late means sleeping in, getting up early means taking naps during the day. Stringing together two or three long or hard days means a full day on the sofa for recovery. I have had to learn to rest, take breaks, and do less. Better days are ahead, because in the valley of life, I can see the mountaintop.

Thank you for your interest, and your support.